It’s that time in life when everything is literally coming at you from all directions, completely caught off guard.
So I say I want a good life, how good can it get if I stay on the exact “X marks the spot” when there are many other goalies to score?
Ok, maybe life doesn’t always give you what you want. But please for once, can a miracle happen?
It suddenly dawned on me that the carefree youth time of my life is going to be over in the middle of the year, then I start going over all the moments of my life when I could have changed it, so I wouldn’t fervently wish (now) that I could have done something instead. But really, my life has no room for regrets. Not ever.
“Don’t ever be afraid to make mistakes; you need them in your life to move forward”.
Guess I should not be afraid? I should bite my lip and go against the storm eh.
I really want it so badly, and I’m told that if you want something it will come your way. Something about commanding the force of the universe. But I’ve learnt that expecting something so very much will end in receiving nothing too. Which is in my favour?
I’m definitely not going to sit around and wait. I’ve had it wandering aimlessly.
Getting to know people, you find yourself to start categorizing them. You unconsciously wonder what it would be like in their shoes, what life means to them, what their life means to them (there’s a difference when you put ‘their’). Some lives look fun, but if you think harder and longer, it’s ALL about routine. I just hate routine, that’s why I can’t ever stay still in one location, if I had to, my mind would wander. The need to see something new, get into a new environment, a new country, a new life.
How do people survive? I think they survive by having something to do. To live for. That float that keeps your head above water. What is my float?
I will find out soon, and this time it’s for real. When I graduate, when I’m on my own, I’ll have to find a float that doesn’t have punctures waiting to burst into holes that would sink me, a float that’s securely tied somewhere to lead the way, a float I can drag myself up onto, maybe even to sit on.
Sometimes I wish I had the luxury of parental support. I admit I’m super sensitive to parent-child relationships and I’m constantly observing these amusing exchanges. I wish I had them. I did have them once; sometimes I miss the old days. Like having a parent to call anytime to fetch me when I need a ride, not having to worry about money coz they give allowance, parents cooking up feasts (in the old days we ate like kings). What scares me the most is finally earning and having the family depend on my income. I doubt that I can support them. We might all drown together in this dependence on me.
Oh well, people grow up. People work, start families, raise kids, ad the cycle goes on. I’m just one of those voices in the world making some noise about a teeny part of the process. When I put it this way, the whole ‘circle of life’ and function of the human nature seems meaningless. Precisely why I make such a fuss about it.
Going off course a little. ...
Revelation of all time: this is the also the point in my life where I find I’ve never been this crazy before about clothes, and I mean the current styles. I love everything about it now, I’m absolutely, hopelessly mad; about hair bows, rabbit ribbons, see-through chiffon, super short shorts, high waisted anything, vintage bags, polka dots, little girl- peter pan dresses, lacey blouses, wavy silk hair, red lipstick, head-spinning floral prints, those cute little closed feet sandals, big rings……. I can spend hours looking at Tumblr fashion photos, and stalk the shops, fingering every piece of clothing and lusting for it.
Bad, bad habit. I should start reading more news, earning more money, and reading mind stimulating articles. Maybe I should cook more too.
But I know nothing can cure this sick love for styles.
Worse, I’m killing myself; holding back because I can’t afford to be stylish forever. Hoorah to this unhealthy lifestyle rescue.
Another weekend, another week. Where is Uni when I need it?
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