Life before December

Thus closes another chapter on another semester. I never imagined the day would finally come. Not surprising, after almost three years in uni, there’s a time when you start to tire of semester after semester, doing the same things. Now the fun bit- charting out the chronology of the next few months’ break. Ideally would be to go somewhere on a holiday, like Greece. Totally random I know, but I should reserve some big idea like Greece for after I graduate J.

After a fun afternoon shooting for a group Moral video

Today 25^th is my second month-versary with Gavin. Pity we can’t spend it together, but we will soon when I’m back to KK. Not every moment is bliss for us; a relationship entails its ups and downs. Sometimes I wonder if my faith can withstand our relationship, at times I’m amazed that we’ve come this far, even though its not that far, but each new thing counts for us. We’ve done a lot of stuff together, things we’ve never done with other people, and we intend to keep on finding new things to try together.

The last time we met was a flurry of interesting activities together, each of those days; memorable. It consisted of three-day marathon dates. First was a day at Aquaria KLCC, but for starters, he brought me to a surprise lunch- California Pizza House! We ordered a starter each; he had soup of the day, and I had a huge Focchacia roll. I didn’t expect it to be that huge, but he did warn me. We shared a huge Meat Lover’s pizza together- fitting for us meat lovers. And yes, we had lots of leftovers. Then we went to see the fish. It felt like Singapore Aquarium all over again.

Part of my Focchacia roll

Aquaria! Kids all over again.

The second day began with lunch at Pavilion- Japanese. We both had noodles, me as usual with my favourite tempura side dish. This was also the day I learnt the walking route from Sungei Wang- Times Square- Pavilion. It saves money on monorail ticket. Before going home we both decided to have our hair cuts together, so we went for the quick cuts- RM15 for 15 minutes in Sungei Wang. I have never had a haircut with a date before, and I must say, it felt special, walking out of a shop more self conscious and at the same time, lovingly examining the others’ much altered appearance.

Happy food face!

After lunch. His body size is perfect :)

The last day, and also the day before he left KL was the day I was looking forward to all weekend. We met at the monorail to ride together to Bukit Bintang, and he surprised me with the best greeting ever! He jumped from behind a pillar at the station and ran to me with outstretched arms. He looked so happy that I squealed with laughter and ran into his arms and we hugged tight as though we’d been reunited after one year. We had a cheap lunch at Lot 10’s Chinese food court- a place with so much good food that I took too long to decide. We ate beef noodles and took pictures of each other tackling long parts of our food with chopsticks. 

MMMMM.... Oyster sauce veg

Such an expert, half the noodles at one go

Then to True Harmony for my first ever spa! I was really excited at the prospect of being pampered all over for two hours, and thought it would be the best preparation for the final assignments’ battle field. I was right. 

The spa at Jalan Hang Tuah

Psyched!

First I got to select half an hour of steam room or a foot detox, and I chose the foot detox. Then I had an amazing green tea body scrub by the masseuse, who worked her hands all over my body for half an hour, each stroke of the body scrub beads was heavenly on my skin. I lay there wrapped in the body scrub lather for 5 minutes, with a cool patch for my eyes. After washing, she gave me a full body oil massage which I silently wished wouldn’t end. After the spa, my skin was soft and I felt so light, I think Gavin felt that he made the best choice in giving me the spa treat since I didn’t have any mood swings for the next few days. We ate Meringues (another first for me) after the spa, bought my favourite ice blended Oreo Chocolate and spent the rest of the day in Fahrenheit 88. Our farewell wasn’t as painful as expected (thanks to the spa); we had fun taking photos before saying our goodbyes. I will see him soon, I can’t wait!

Our meringue photo

Parental guidance needed for this content ;)

I always find sneaky ways to count his freckles

Ok, back to what’s been going on for me. I don’t know where to start, and what to say. But let’s begin by saying that I’ve been spending most of my time devoted to Y Gallery, the online art gallery started by Gavin. It is my beloved Tamagochi, especially our coming first event! If you guys have been following, our first event is open to all would love to express themselves in whatsoever art form in free handmade notebooks. It’s called ‘My Mind’ notebook exhibition, and we’ll be exhibiting all the notebooks in Annexe Gallery from 28^th February 2011 to 6^th March 2011. The notebooks will be on sale or auctioned, and so far, the response has been immense and basically, not what we expected. It’s surprising that so many people like the idea so much. But anyway, because of this, I have my first business card J.

Too proud of these cards- beyond words

Also, I’ve been hit by a bout of sickness these few weeks, but will name a couple of the worst ones. I’ve had the worst experience of food poisoning, which hopefully will be the first and last one in my whole life. The pain was excruciating, even getting my tattoo done can’t compare to it! I was weak for days after and resulted in food phobia. My body broke down halfway with the final assignments, I was down for a few days but had to get up after that to continue with the rest.

Being sick means being wide awake at night

I’ve just had my first photoshoot yesterday. Well it’s not exactly a first, but it feels like a first professional one. I had an awesome time in front of the camera, but I definitely need more practice. I’ve been pondering if I should tap into the acting scene, starting off with commercials or orientating myself with the camera by photo shoots. I found a fondness for acting while doing my assignments, and I want to see how far I can go in acting. I love the fact that acting frees the self by expression, and the very thought of filling an invented role- and doing a good job at that- the ending result is very satisfying. A sort of self exploration project. My ultimate dream is to act in movies some day.

Pre photo shoot

Am really looking forward to the holidays in KK. It would probably be my last 3 month extravaganza before I officially start my career as a graduate (after June). Can hardly wait to see everyone back home! I want to cook, party, go to the beach, see all the lovely KK folk, and eat all the KK food that I miss so dearly. Shall stock up on my reading material too. Have got a feeling this time around in KK would be very memorable indeed…

Happy Holidays!

Blowing Hot & Cold

Started off the semester like this

The very demanding 2 year old toddler

It’s that time of the middle semester, which sadly means the biggest test in our student life. I can’t remember ever not struggling through the middle of each semester. I think I’m getting better though, I try not to leave things too last minute. As of now, I’m taking a break to release all that frustration of ‘writer’s block’, when I totally am too dry to think of any academically coherent sentences that make sense. I swear, we go through our semesters vomiting and choking on making words sound smart. It’s just temporary genius though, because we never remember the smart ass theories we so astoundingly could come up with. So this week, PR and Media Law will break our backs. Media Law being the scariest subject, why, because it is law and we are not familiar with it. I don’t think media students were ever made to famish for law.

Next week, a wave of NDPW newspaper layout, and CIE (Ethics) which are much better still, than this week’s ungodly penance. Also not to mention, Moral Education video presentation. All I can say is I am so ready to reach the end of the semester, but strangely, I want to do my very best and remember every moment of the sweat and tears. This is already my final year.

Guess I won’t be around blogging much in this case…

The lady's preoccupation

Moving on, as I move around my room and rummage through my stuff, it’s so obvious that I’ve reached that time of the year where my stuff are running out, which means I gotta go shopping to restock. This is very disturbing as my bank account will not allow it. My make-up, toiletries, and their little components are about to end their short lives. I wonder if I should work, but how can I, the assignments are eating up my days. This is when I turn to God, order the cheapest food, and recount the times when I had money and be grateful for those money spending times I did have. Always when life isn’t so perfect we try to recall how it used to be quite perfect once. I dare not start a list of items to buy. But eventually that day will come, and hopefully, the cheque will be in my lap by then. Fingers crossed…

Uproot

I remember, during my second semester, a lecturer asked the whole class if anyone was seriously considering migrating, and my hand remained down. I thought that Malaysia was enough for me, but now I seriously see that Malaysia is not where I want my future to be. Once I tire of a place and seen enough, had enough of it, I just want to find a newer, better place to start over again. So I’m just saying, I’ve reached a point in life where migrating is not just an option, but it is a priority. I’m still not about to reveal any details, just some mind boggling info for you ;) Or perhaps ask me outright, I prefer that over some back-talking, if you please.

Time-Out

What else is new? Oh yes, I’ve recently acquired a beautiful journal book to jot down stuff to ramble, mostly random and direct. I used to love going through the whole chronology of my days especially high school years, but I lost it as I grew up. Things changed, but I realized, that’s the best thing I can do for myself, which I’m not ready to let go off. I may not write as detailed as I would have, but I write down things which are meaningful, memories, feelings, and things I wish to remember for as long as I can.

Best of friends once more

The world is already noisy; I do not want to forget that little voice I have within myself.

The Unattainable

Somehow, I’ve recently had this attraction towards second hand bookshops, towards the used books which people have ravished, and this gave a sort of charm to them. They have this air of ‘cast-offs’, which makes me want to pick them up and take them home, I can’t resist those yellowing pages and creased front covers, and dog ears especially. Okay, maybe it’s because I’ve not been able to afford brand new books, but still, I found something :)

So it’s Halloween end of the month, and if the party does materialize, it will be my first Halloween party in all of my twenty two years. I’m excited, still figuring out what I should go as!

The Surprise

And now the part you’ve all been waiting for. Yes, I’ve met a boy whom I’ve finally let into my life. We’ve been getting to know each other over the year, and already experienced a lot of new things together. I’m really happy to have him; he marks the turning point of my life in many ways. And I am looking forward to taking on the world with him. His name is Gavin :) 

I love when his eyes turn green

The Comeback

I know some of you are wondering why my blog is rarely updated. Well here goes. In my life, as for everyone else’s out there, I divide it into the public, private, and secret life. The public is what you see, the private is what I keep and share with some people, the secret is living a life I do not wish for any intrusions. The secret life is the most exciting, because I get to keep things to myself, you know, like how we always hide away our treasures, been like that since the introduction of toys. You know how it goes ;)

Third week of 5th Sem

Today as I waited for the bus and ate a bun which cost RM1.40, I realized that if I had more money, I’d be taking back a bag of food and maybe the very tempting bubble tea. So, if I had more money, I’d be fatter =/. Then its good after all that I don’t have too much money coz I’d end up spending more on food, my one greatest love in my whole life! That is the one time I was thankful I’m not rich :D

I found an old photo from last semester during filming at my house

Its been a crazy week! I slept too little, and finally followed the whole schedule for uni since last week Dewi was sick and my timetable was all haywire. And it really is about time I pick myself up in regards to classes and assignments. Boo L

So I saw this quote on Tumblr, which I am now using and is a lot of fun. It’s like, unlimited access to the world’s best stuff: pictures and quotes, simple and in a jiffy. I was a bit crazy about it at the beginning, and now I’m getting a little lazy. I think my life is too full for me this week to sit and browse around to pass the time. Anyway, this quote brought to mind how Grief is mostly a portion of our feelings, and some people literally go mental with grief. And I’m too young to say I’ve grieved, and although I did grief for one year after my dad passed away, I still think there will be grieves more enormous than my dad passing away. 

After moving on from that one year, I discovered life is something that still takes me on a journey which grief can’t do. Maybe my dad dying has become a part of me that I don’t feel the grief that much anymore. Sometimes when I see or hear how people cope with their sorrows, I think that that’s not all there is to pain. It’s going to get worse. But still, I know they have to pass that level of sorrow in order to go to a higher one. 

To me, my mum is someone so strong to be able to handle my dad’s death. I always thought that, and I admired her for that. Although sometimes I get angry at her, and I think she didn’t do enough for us, but what more can a single person do when she feels crippled without her partner to go through life like they used to? I love her in a way which is worn, inexplicable and reserved. Finally, she’s releasing me out to life, slowly and gently. I’m so happy for her now, she’s happier, she sleeps more, and best of all, asks me to email her J

My Mum & I before flying back to KL

I might be getting a watch next week. I’ve never really bought myself a watch, because they’re too expensive! Once, my dad bought me 11 watches, but they all gave out coz he bought them in bulk from Petaling Street! Of course they were lovely, all the different colours with different prints, but they weren’t made to last. I only had two genuine watches in my entire life, the first was a Garfield watch from Singapore when I was a tiny girl, and the second was Swatch when I was 13. It was white and obviously got dirty and stained after a few months. Michelle is going to show me a gold watch which she said would suit my tan, and isn’t like a few hundreds! It’s secondhand but most important, it’s genuine. So I can’t wait for that!

This week was a very special week, because it was Dewi’s birthday! She said she wanted a low key one, but I secretly planned a surprise for her anyway. I really wanted her to be happy and on celebration mode. Boon and I brought her to old campus, because she suggested to eat lunch there, while our other friends came in two different cars later. We only had two hours! The two groups were caught up with meetings at Lakeside and had to wait for each other to be able to surprise Dewi together, so Boon and I had to stall time by keeping Dewi talking far after we’d finished eating. Boon had to order another dish! 

Finally, after the group bought the cake and gathered, the plan was in motion. As Dewi talked, Boon and I sneaked glances behind her at our friends slowly sneaking behind her shielding the cake from the wind. Some of them were trying to make us laugh and we both tried to keep poker face. As they were coming nearer, they started to sing Happy Birthday and she turned around mid sentence and was so speechless. She looked back at the smiling faces of Boon and I, and we started clapping hands and she started tearing up. I was in tears at the end of the song, coz I cry too damn easily too. I was so happy for her, and I myself was so touched by the whole thing. Happy Birthday dearest! Every Birthday should be memorable!

Surprise!!

Dewi & I

The surprise team! thanks for making it happen!!

About boys

So it’s back to Uni again. Same old, same old, but just a little tougher. We’ve got ethics, law and moral for this semester, and Public Relations, which isn’t much my fancy. I think it’s something you need to practice and see first hand, learning it isn’t so effective for me. It’s gonna be a painful semester, although I can ease some of it by seriously starting now.

It’s the time of year when my good friends’ birthdays come flooding in, and I’ve just shopped for my cousin’s gift today. It’s belated, by the way. The next birthday will be a good friend’s, and trust Facebook to notify me for the rest of the time. Pretty much hunting for presents tomorrow.

Have caught up with my close friends these weekends, I’ve not seen them in quite a bit. First was with Wei Sheng, and we only spent most of the time sitting in Subway talking away the afternoon. Have not seen him since maybe two years ago, and it was awesome catching up with him again. We both go way back, started off racing each other on bikes and learning to skateboard and roller blade. That was when we were 9 and 10. What can I say, have been surrounded with brothers for all my life, so I loved playing with him. Now he lives in UK and its amazing how we can still connect. I learnt a lot from him over the years.

I like this candid photo by WeiSheng.

                                                                       At Sungei Wang.

Missing my brothers too. I can always get on well with them, we could talk away the time, and never get bored of talking to each other. We share a lot, and we’re almost like best friends. I know I can count on them, and we’ve always had each other whenever we needed someone to listen to us, or needed for guidance. I’m glad I’ve got them. Even though we don’t keep in touch when I’m back in KL, when I go back its like I never left. But Joshua chats with me now and then, which is what an older brother should do to his sister J

Have got one great friend whom I call brother, and he calls me sister, and we’re like, the worst ever meanest siblings to one another. We incessantly tease and bully each other, the next moment we’re sitting in a corner talking about our deepest secrets which we know we can share only between us. And we can go on for hours. 

He’s the substitute for my brothers when I’m in KL. And for the first time, I went to the old part of KL where we had a mini adventure outside a school in the dark. Just eerie. I’m so glad I’ve got people in my life for different moments.

My very favourite photo of us. 

I’ll miss you and miss you till you’re back. Even though I had nightmares, I’m glad I did coz it made me realize how I might take things for granted and all I felt was regret. Thanks for everything, for asking me if I was happy, I was. For those times you packed our bag before heading to the islands with everything we needed to last the day, including my stuff. I absolutely cherish each of these little moments, I practically swim in them.

For the friend I really care about during these tough times, you know I’m always there. Remember that strength isn’t just in what you say, it sits tight in your heart, and in what you do. There’s always some things worth crying for, but there’s a time when it’s time to stop letting tears blind you, and start walking forward in one direction. 

My Saturday night with Ilona, my absolutely charming cousin. She is officially the most winsome tomboy ever. We enjoyed making silly faces and poses for the camera. Which I've not done in years and years. Love you lots, Loony!

Out of Tune

Back to the real world now. Well nearly there in five day’s time. Uni life for the fifth time! I don’t know how I should feel about that, all I know is now I’m playing the part of a lazy kitten dosing and taking kitty naps in the sunshine and eating more than my share. I know I won’t get to sleep like this once the new semester begins.

And since I’m left to my devices for another two weeks or so, have been busy fixing meals for myself, like really spoiling myself crazy! I’ve had dinners of Teriyaki Pork with mushroom, fried prawn chili paste brinjals, yesterday Pork with Calabrese Pasta, and tonight made some Mac & Cheese. Been having good breakfasts too, melted cheese on Salami with toast, and Omelets nearly each morning and sometimes afternoon.

And have been catching up on movies! Tons of them, have watched the Time Traveler’s Wife, Angels and Demons, and Fame. I thoroughly enjoyed Fame, it’s a movie about students in an elite Performing Art’s school as they struggle to cope and break their own boundaries to make the best of their talents. I loved the performances, especially the dances. Story line was just borderline and the usual and most of the actors I noticed were tip top good lookers. Couldn’t help but wonder why these movies are such predictable when it comes to looks… Time Traveler’s Wife was a little draggy I’d say. The Time traveling whatnot abilities put into movies these days are getting a little annoying, what saved the movie was the storyline to me. How the wife had to put up with her husband disappearing and eventually wait till the day he dies which they all know in advance. I totally adore Rachel McAdams, she’s gorgeous and so charming! As for Angels and Demons, well I’ve read the book so it was really nothing more than amusement to me.

Moving on… ahhh. I totally miss last week. I want it to go on and on and on. I know I’ve said this too many times but I really enjoyed it. There will be another day, hopefully J

Thinking of many things these days, like who I should put on my meet-up list in both KL & KK. Not to mention, a list of To-Do things to last the rest of the year but which will probably drag on to 2011 or more. First thing is, I need to get fitter. I mean I look normal but I don’t have what you people call ‘endurance’.

I’ve been going crazy lately, with tons of food flooding my mind, I even made a shopping list for ingredients. I’ve been going nuts about creamy cakes, Durian cheese cake, cupcakes, Shihlin XXL Crispy Chicken, mashed potatoes, steaks! I wonder what kinda tummy I was born with.

Yeah, got sick again. BOO. Can’t do much, don’t wanna do much.

I know I don’t usually crap about such minute things but I just needed to fill up some spaces on blank things. I know, I used to be good at it long time back… and this is another limp blow at it?

Let me bring you in on a secret. I miss KK. I regret I didn’t eat enough food when I was back there for two weeks! I miss miss miss the Uncle Janggut Tom Yam and fish cakes in Hilltop! I want to eat the seafood! The Ngiu Chap! And I miss my dearie so much, my Mona sis. So sorry I couldn’t see you when I was back dear, I’ll make it up to you next time, ok? Take care and don’t kill urself with worry about your postings! Oh yeah, I also miss the islands there a little L I miss Chicken Kiev in Langkah Syabas too…. Wooo I’ll never stop missing anything (sighs).

My Happy Meal- Beaufort Mee after 7K Run

My darling Lucille! Thanks for your time!

Reliving the KK Clubbing scene :) Hooraah it was F.U.N.

It's true

I believe even the best player out there, no matter how much he plays girls, deep down he's finding just the right girl. 


Everyone just wants a home to return to eventually.

Out of the Ordinary

It’s a miracle really, staying up too much and I never thought I’d survive. Used to end up puking and going for toilet breaks whenever I had to stay up whole nights to finish an assignment. 

And now, I finally broke the sleeping spell… I don’t need to sleep anymore! And the best part is I don’t feel tired at all now. And have got two more shoots to do today and tomorrow! One word: Wow. I’m wide awake. Tried to get in bed, but got out too many times. How to cure restlessness? It never ceases lately.

No, I don’t think I need a cure. I’d stay this way from now till next Friday, when I hand in the last assignment.

Okay, it’s been a few strange weeks lately. Is that how end of semester rewards me? With strange days and out of the ordinary experiences? Too many questions yeah. No answers.

So anyway, I’ve been ending up in KL Sentral and Central Market too many times these days. And I’d smack you if you ever predicted I’d end up saying (one day) that “I’M SICK OF ALL THE MALLS IN KL!” I utterly hate them! I’m so bored of this place… I need another place I think. Where? Yeah, Singapore is the next best thing.

Right, what weird things have I been up to. Too many shootings for videos. Too Many. I discovered I love acting a lot, a lot. And I want to be a villain dressed in a red cheongsam and kill my lover or something with a keris or whatever satisfying weapon to cause intentional death. Must be gory and red and bloody, and very angry. But satisfied in a strange way. I know, I am going mad too. Is that weird?

What else, oh yes, I’ve been spending too much money. Too Much. I need to stop. I need a job, and fast. Soon as semester ends, that is. But I still wanna go Zouk, wanna go dancing without stopping, wanna watch a movie alone, Wanna go out a whole day without knowing where my destination is, wanna hop on a bus smack middle of KL, wanna ride on the LRT from its first stop to the last. Wanna go out and be a stranger to the world, to myself for awhile. Cause a car accident as I’m passing by a busy lane, dunk Butter Nut Crunch cookies in cold milk and eat them on a rainy day. Sleep at sunrise at wake up mid afternoon, do nothing but watch movies and go out to eat at midnight, waste a whole weekend with someone.

What I’ve done lately is get on a Keropok Lekor high, enjoy the rain without an umbrella between me and the sky, run into a mall laughing all wet and looking out of place, went from one far end of KL to another within a few hours. Got stuck on the KTM for two hours. Ate icecream alone on a rainy day, and walk and act like I’m lost. I am lost, I am drowning. But I absolutely love it.

And the best part is I get to do all the crazy stuff with someone so close to me, like Dewi. We run for the bus in the rain, run into Midvalley drenched in rain and walk like queens while we drip and slip, walk and walk when we’re angry till we end up at my place laughing and eating chips on my bed, eat hot lekor when we’re stranded in a crowded station, sleep on the couch in Sony Center, and the latest, take a trip all the way to Sungei Wang to get a fortune teller to predict our futures when our major assignment is due the next morning at 8. This is what bonding is all about. Even when the price is RM50 for 15 minutes, we just go and have our futures examined. Even when my assignment was at Zero and due less than 12 hours away. And yes, we forgot to ask the fortune teller to predict the results of our assignment. But I’m sure we did fine… and I was on time!

I don’t know what to make of this year. It’s a strange one, but such a sadly beautiful one. Too many things, I’m finally growing up, I’m finally able to look at myself longer, and finally able to say “what’s next?” Finally getting there… to what I want. I think all the hurt, all the pain, all the emotions are what makes me grow, what pushes me. Sometime’s its like adrenaline, sometimes, I simply can’t sleep. Sometimes, the bed pulls me in and all the touch on my skin tells me the only love I can find is in my bed.

I’m learning a lot. I’m learning from people, I’m finally opening my eyes, my mind, my heart, discovering secrets my body kept. I learnt from too many mistakes, now I wanna learn by listening to other people’s mistakes. I want to learn why I’m lucky in some ways, why love can kill someone inside, how pain can make you insane, and how loneliness is another open door.

And finally, I get to love a person in a special way again, to hold, to touch, to kiss, to cuddle, to hold on to, to play with, to just kiss and lick and nibble and feel again. It cures my cold skin and pumps my blood faster. I love this feeling too much. It’s good to loosen my senses once more.

Life is an adventure. Life is about living where you fear the most. On the edge. With the sharks. 

All I want is to go out there and dive into the world and get everything it has to give me. I don’t care how sharp it is, how tender, how sweet, how bitter, how sorrowful… I want it all. I want to do everything till I find out who I am, till I penetrate every pain in the world. 

 i want something different.