My Treasures

Just woke up from a dream. It felt wonderful. While its still fresh… I decided to sit here and write a bit.

Amazing how even while we sleep in our dreams, emotions are stirring. You’ll know it when u wake up from a dream, how that feeling stays with you then u start to recall. Its not like you wanted to.

I dreamt how much I missed home. My real home town in KK. All that affection for my brothers even while not ever thinking of them in my mind most of the time, even of my mother, how much I wished and wished she’d have a better life while in the dream, I was arguing with her, but she seemed to understand and accepted what I was saying. All those feelings smothered me when I saw them. When I saw them, I instantly wanted to be with them. I know. I’m not normally as cheesy as this. But deep in my heart, these are my roots I’m talking about… Some people wanna forget where they come from, but I know who I am.

I am a Sabahan girl who loves peace, the familiar small town (not that small, but compared to KL, SMALL), the roads the people travel on without speeding or trying to get others off the road, the skies, each and every under maintained and neglected landmark, the sea breeze, the Sabahan accents, the content of people around no matter who they are, the unkempt roadside grass that are kept so long before their next cut.

One of my closest friends is going back to KK today. I remember the day I returned to KL at the start of this semester, how homesick I felt, and how I looked at every single sign of ‘departure’ passing me by on the left, while I walked on ‘arrival’ grounds. How I thought to myself ‘this is it, I’m here now. It will be four months before I’m at the departure lane. It will be over soon. Make the most out of it and work hard to earn the most triumphant departure ceremony’. You know how friends send off their friends at departure and all of them are bawling their eyes out? Well, I hope I’m sent off with a full scale party, where everyone is blowing those paper whistle thingies, wearing party hats, popping streamers, and holding a banner ‘Happy Departure!’ Off I go and arrive at KK airport, even the airport is next to Tanjung Aru beach… back to the nearly empty roads (usually I take the flight that arrives at 12pm), the expansive and great aged trees greet me, past the quiet city, onto the brand new flyover. Back home.

I’m so gonna ask my mom to take me to the beach for a drink and good old Sabahan BBQed chicken wings and air kepala after I arrive. The way it used AND should always be. I’m gonna spend more time with her. Gonna take her out for movies, a pedicure & manicure, shopping, brunch at Hyatt eating Japanese buffet. Take those brothers out shopping, watching movies, hanging out with them, maybe get a boat to Pulau Manukan for a picnic.

 Oh, and I’m gonna take a trip up to Kundasang to the foot of Mt Kinabalu and spend two days or so up there with the family. Plan a BBQ at the clubhouse outside the apartments. Get my mum talking and socialising, perhaps even drunk. Its amazing how one doesn’t realize something till the reality is dangling in their faces, or till they get a taste of what it is like: LOSS. Simplest things would do, would make wonders. And its time I respond to that, instead of lying down and not moving, paralyzed with the pain. I’m gonna act the way I should- I’m an adult now. I officially have the power to cheer things up.

        Bro & I                           Mum... who looks so young and how nice if she could stay that way

I miss the people in Sabah. The Hakka, the ‘bah’ at the end of sentences, the ‘astaga!’ replacing the ‘allah!’ like they say in KL, even the way they are so outdated and sometimes, narrow minded compared to the ‘worldliness’ of KL people.

I miss my best friend, Mona. She makes me feel so young and as if life is as simple as what we have at the moment. I know I tend to complicate and mess up my life. And having her around… well let’s just say she loves me as simple as love is. Her mega-watt smile and green apple scent, and soft skin as she hugs and tugs at my arm when we’re out on a girly outing. I can’t wait to go Sandakan with her!

Missing all those good times

All the good times we shared... with our guys too.

And my boyfriend… when I woke up, a memory floated over me… how it is when I wake up, and he wakes up at the same time, and I pretend I don’t want to wake up when he moves over to me and stares without realizing I am conscious of it. How he’d hold me with both of his hands tightly, and gently rub our noses together, his soft lips against the skin at the corner of my mouth, his stubble against my chin. And his breathing which is the most belonging smell in the world which I’ve ever smelled. All the while, I pretended I was still asleep. 

Great times that i won't forget

Sometimes, we forget where we belong. But really, it’s the littlest things that make up our life into bigger things. It all goes down to the root. Without the root, the life would be dead.